Dear Koren,
My boyfriend and I are together for just over a year but his ex has a child with him and she love to post on social media.
Whenever he does something with the child, she posts him and the child and a couple of times him, her and the child.
He says is nothing to him what she does on social media because he is with me.
I think he is too laid back about it.
It’s getting to the point now where every weekend when he visits his son, I check her page to see what she post.
If they not in any relationship, don’t you think she should stop posting him and focus only on her child?
Concerned Girlfriend
Dear Concerned Girlfriend,
I get it.
Your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend is no longer in a relationship with him so she should not be posting his photos on social media.
There is no written rule but it’s an unspoken protocol that we don’t post pictures of ex-partners, especially when they are in a new relationship.
What I’m hearing you say is that she posts pictures of the son they have together with him or her in the photo. You did not mention how she tags or labels the pictures.
That is important.
It could be that she is creating memories for her son or it could be that she wants her ex to be associated with them still or she identifies them as a “family”.
It’s really hard to judge someone’s motives without knowing all of the facts.
Normally, I would suggest you discuss your concerns with him but it seems you already have and he has dismissed them because he is not affected by it.
Perhaps he does not understand how it is affecting you, which leads me to another question – why does it bother you so much?
Is it because they have a child together?
Is it because she posts your boyfriend’s photo?
Are you jealous of her?
Ask yourself why it bothers you so much.
I think you should try to deal with your obsession with this lady’s social media page. It is not healthy for you to be so tuned in to what she posts if both of you are not even friends.
You and this guy are in a relationship so focus on building what you have, focus on how you treat each other and if you have the potential to grow as a couple.
Enjoy that you have the flesh and blood person and not just a photograph.
Make your own memories with him.
Look at what you have and not at what she had. Stop bringing her up to him because she is not in the relationship with him. You are. You are free (with his permission) to post pictures of you and him too.
As long as they are co-parenting, there will be some contact and you will have to get used to that.
The worst thing you can do is to get between that man and his child and while that is not your intention, your behavior, attitude and obsession could send the wrong message.
Focus my friend. The lady is living her life and I suggest you live yours.
Koren
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