Dear Koren,
My daughter moved to the US about 10 years ago and on to now she is not regular.
She finds work I know because from time to time she would post home a barrel or send money through Western Union.
She missed her grandmother funeral and her uncle funeral. She missed her younger sister and brother graduation and now her father is sick.
She is telling me that if I want her to come she will come but she won’t be able to get back in.
I’m not sure how to advise her because I don’t want to be responsible for her to lose any opportunity but her father would love to see her.
What do you think?
Mother
Dear Mother,
That’s a big decision for you to make.
I would imagine you want to see and hold your child after not having that opportunity for 10 years.
I also imagine you want your husband to see her.
You are obviously torn as you do not want to be responsible for her not being able to go back into the US. So, the big decision is between your needs as a mother and wife and the best interest of your daughter and her future.
To be honest, that decision should not be placed in your lap. Your daughter should decide if she wants to leave or not and what she will be giving up or gaining. When you tell people what to do, you become the scapegoat to be blamed if something doesn’t go according to plan.
What do I think?
I think her opportunities might not be that great, because as an undocumented migrant in a country, one is limited in the job market. If she had a company sponsoring her, then she would be able to work legally and come home and return.
Also, if there was the possibility of amnesty, I might even suggest she wait around and see. But you didn’t mention that option.
The occasional barrel or money via Western Union does not necessarily mean that she is prospering. It means she cares enough about her family to help, even if it means making sacrifices.
In all my years on this earth, I always push for love, happiness, fulfillment and even a bit of adventure. It is unlikely that I would offer advice to anyone that would entail them living on the edge of the law or compromising their ethical or moral compass for some short-term gain.
Antigua is rough and the cost of living is up by about 30% according to some economic pundits. However, there is no better place to be than in the bosom of love and security with people whose company you enjoy, in a place you can legally make a living and where you are valued as an equal.
Many jobs are available in Antigua, depending on her skills.
I do know one can feel a bit ashamed of leaving and coming back empty-handed without it looking like they made it big, but who cares?
Her life is hers to live and her job is not to please anyone or prove anything. Also, all is not lost because experiences teach us so much. She might have made great friends, learned more about herself and gained perspective about life.
If something happens to her dad, she is likely to have regrets about not seeing him. So instead of making a decision for her; just let her know that your arms and home are always open for her, she is welcome and she is loved.
Home will always be home.
Koren
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