Dear Koren,
I’m working hard for my money and I pay child support for my two children and the mother feeding her man child out of my money because I watch and see whenever I drop off my youth man, she have the other man child at the house.
Then too, I’m hearing that she use my money to help him buy a Vitz.
So what rights do I have in this country because if I stop pay, court and police will be on my case but why they don’t hassle her for misusing my hard earned money?
I’m really mad.
Father
Dear Father,
You are right to uphold the law and to pay the child support that the court has asked you to pay. I would advise you not to stop paying. No matter how mad you get, always stay on the right side of the law and always do what is in the best interest of your children.
If your ex is helping another child from your money, it might not seem fair but let me ask you a question. Do you think that not living with them you are able to provide all that they need?
Maybe the other child’s father provides for his son and your sons have access to what he supplies too. We don’t know. Also, without knowing how much you pay, I know that usually the court stipulations are rarely enough to cover every single need of the child.
Therefore, mom has to do her part to ensure all their needs are met. She is also providing care and nurture, doing their laundry, preparing their meals, cleaning up after them and everything else. So while your financial contributions are of vital importance, please don’t for a moment think that is all your sons need.
As for the Vitz, do you have any evidence that is using your child support money towards her current boyfriend’s car? Without evidence, it is just hearsay, If I were you, I wouldn’t even ask her about that.
People talk plenty and sometimes everything you hear is not truth.
The police cannot hassle for misuse of money if there is no evidence of such.
In addition to giving your sons mother money for them, build a relationship with them. Spend time with them, visit, take them out, do homework and other things together. If they are well kept and have no complaints about how much food they are getting, then their mom is probably doing a fantastic job.
Thank her for all that she does in your absence. If she has primary custody, then it’s probably a lot more than you realize.
One day, your children will be 18 and when they are adults, you can give them directly what you have for them. As a man, you would be able to maintain your pride and know without the shadow of a doubt that you did right by your sons.
If you ended up helping another child in the process, there is no harm in that. What is most important - is that your children will know that you did your part and behaved like a father did.
Focus on them and not on her.
Koren
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